just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
