I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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