My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
