hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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