worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
