is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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