We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize