I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
