Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
