Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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