I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
