She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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