You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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