He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
