STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
