Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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