either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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