Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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