hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
