trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
