Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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