I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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