4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I won the penis lottery.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
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Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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