I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
