He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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