I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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