were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize