My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Found your dick twin last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
