I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
