Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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