well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
