so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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