If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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