...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
