My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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