This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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