Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
