She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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