i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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