after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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