Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
