I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
