i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
