we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
