I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
