I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The power of my boobs compel you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
