My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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