what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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