DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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