why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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