you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize