I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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