After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
