Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
