I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
