ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
