he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
