So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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