I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
