Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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