we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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