Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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