could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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