This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize