I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
