he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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