I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
