im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
