i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
