My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
