Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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