Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
