I just saw a hot homeless man
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
