I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
