My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
