fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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