She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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