The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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