Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i out mim tonsoeep
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