Houston, we have a blender
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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