i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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