I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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