"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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